It was a sad day in my life when George Carlin passed away. Yes, he was a crazy drug user in his days and (in his words) he was old as f@#%. I enjoyed his humor, and even though his schtick was negative, vulgar, and downright mean, It’s hilarious. It makes me laugh. And laughter makes people happy. So George Carlin is a welcomed inspiration here at Happy Lists.
This list is inspired by one of his routines. The clip of the specific joke can be found here.
“I say hey, you goofy looking baldy-headed f@#$. It looks good on black guys. On you, it’s ugly, repulsive, and disgusting. You want to be bald? Do what I did. Wait a while. In the meantime, there’s no excuse for running around looking like a freshly circumcised pig.”
~ George Carlin
Reasons NOT to shave your head
*Please note: This blog entry is just for fun. If you are white and want to shave you’re head, go for it! I’m sure you look great. Don’t take this post too seriously.
1. You’re White. Sorry guys, I’m going to have to side with George Carlin, as will a lot of other women. It’s just kind of gross when your head is shaved. You’re white. You just can’t pull it off that well.
2. You HAVE hair. If you’re not having a balding problem, what are you thinking? You HAVE hair. And in our culture, hair is a valued asset. Appreciate it. There are plenty of baldy-headed guys out there who would. Show them some respect!
3. Sunburn. This goes back to being white, but even if you’re not white – that scalp of yours that has never seen daylight will burn. And let me tell you, that’s REAL attractive. Was that a skin flake I saw just fall to the table during our date? Ooohhh…sexy.
4. The illusion of saving you money. Shaving your head will save you money? Really? You didn’t buy an extra razor to do it yourself did you? If it’s summer, you’ll want to invest in sunblock. And if it’s winter, you might want to invest in a beanie. Money? Splurge for the $7.95 haircut at Supercuts every other month. It’ll be worth it!
5. It makes you cooler. I mean doesn’t. I’m not saying it doesn’t make you look totally radical and awesome. I’m saying that if you’re reason for shaving your head is to “keep cool” while it’s hot out, you’re silly. There’s a reason those middle-easterners rap their heads in cloth. It’s not a fashion statement. Hair is a good way to protect your head from the sun’s blaring rays. So yes, shaving a dog helps them cool down seeing as they don’t sweat like human. But if shaving your head is the only way for you to cool down, I think you might want to seek some medical advice.
6. You’re not in the military. Are you?
7. Skinheads. I don’t think you EVER want to be confused or accused of being a Skinhead.
8. Ancient Greece. If you’re into history. Long hair was a sign of richness and wealth, and shaved heads were saved for slaves.
9. Punishment. Do you realize that people get their heads shaved as punishment? Think prisons, people, prisons.
10. Lice Problem. Wait, this is a reason TO shave your head. Yucky.
11. Supporting Cancer Patients. Again, this is a good reason TO shave your head. If your not shaving your head to support someone going through chemotherapy…it’s not half as cool. Sorry.
12. Britney Spears. Right?
13. Funny Shaped head. You may not realize it, but chances are that you have a funny shaped head, and this will only be more obvious once the hair is gone.
14. Super Hot. If you’re not, you’re not going to pull it off. Your girlfriend saying you are super hot doesn’t qualify you as super hot, either.
15. Not for you. If you’re considering shaving your head for anyone but yourself (minus #11), don’t do it. If you’re not doing it for YOU, then it’s not for you.
*Update: This is intended to be humorous, not hurtful. If you’re offended because you or someone you love has a shaved head – relax. I’m sure you look fine. This is just my opinion.